Yay!! The surgery is over and I actually do not feel bad at all. This being the second day, I expected worse.
God has been so faithful to my family and this was just another time I can praise Him for all He has done.
I was quite anxious going into surgery, not knowing what to expect, being in a strange place, etc..but God brought me through so much above where I thought I would be.
When I was praying before surgery, one concern I kept coming to was whether I would wake up from anasthesia. I have a very hard time with anesthesia and waking up is the hardest thing. Once I get through that I am fine. When praying I just kept thinking, oh what if I die, yes I will be in Heaven and I will be in such a better place. But all I could think of was Jon and my children and leaving them without a wife and mother. I hear so often of girls at 16 who have lost their mom, or little children losing their mom, or husbands losing their wives or so on and so on. And I just kept fearing it. I did not want them to lose me. Not being conceited just the thought.
So as I kept praying that God would please see me through this, not to let me die, He reminded me that if I were to die, He was in control. He had the plans already laid out as to what I would do, and He had the plans ready for what my husband and children would do. I did not have to fear what would happen, or if they could cope, that He was there, He would provide like He always has, and He would comfort them and bring them through and help them to live on.
What a peace. Knowing God was in control. So as I went to the hospital I knew if I did not wake up, it was okay, because God knew too.
I made it obviously, so God has more He wants for me to do in this life. And I guess He thought my family still needed me ha ha, cause they still have to put up with me a little longer :)
So many prayers were lifted up, and so many people shared their concern for me, and that made it great too.
Today I am recovering, the doctor had to remove much more than he thought he would and I have to go back soon for a scope to see how it is going. I also have to remain on strong antiiotics and antifungal meds. to make sure it does not come back, the posibility of having it again are great and I really just don't enjoy suregery at all ha ha.
I blog this because it reminded me that God knows the plans for our lives, He knows when we will live and when we will die, He knows what we can handle and He knows what we can't making us rely on Him more. Remember, to place your cares on Him, He has your back!!!
And today, I am once again.....So Blessed!!!
Jer. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Blessings
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Grace....Do I show enough?
I subscribe to a daily marriage tip that comes to my email each day and have been a member for several years now. The tip always has a suggestion that is positive to encourage, improve, help, give ideas to, or just pray about your marriage or family. Yesterday it talked about grace and it got me to thinking, so I thought since today I have a few mintues to myself (yes this comes very seldom :)) I would type a few words on grace that have been on my heart since reading this post.
Grace.....the exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor on man *Webster's Dictionary
Once I heard it said, Grace is God giving us more than we deserve, and Mercy is God not giving us what we deserve.
How much grace does He give us daily?.......TONS! So many times we fail, we mess up, we slip with our tongue or we lose our patience, or we do something very imperfect. But God does not expect us to be perfect and he knows we will fail. But does He blow up at us, or holler at us, or turn His back on us, or even dislke us because of our mistakes or imperfections? No, He gives us forgiveness and grace.
His word says......But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Jer. 18:4
God everyday takes the clay that we are and He reshapes it into what He wants it to be. He knows that today I will grow impatient for one of my children's mishaps, or that I will not respect my husband like He wants me to, or that I will not spend the time needed in prayer because of my priorities....or the list goes on and on, but He is the potter and He gives us grace everyday.
Likewise, He does the same for our children and our spouses. They mess up, and they are not perfect, but way too often we expect them to be. We fuss because they drop something, or we nag because they were late, or they forgot something you asked of them, and they are clay full of flaw like us. But why is it that we show such little grace to them, when our Father shows so much more grace than we deserve?
Wow...I stopped and thought about how little I do show grace to my family. God allows me to make mistakes, and He allows me to mess up, and return He loves me. He forgives me. He does not fuss at me. He does not nag. He does not speak negatively of me. He does not turn His back on me. He loves me. He gives me grace. And He forgives and forgets when I ask.
So today...I decided I would try to give more grace. I can't even imagine being able to give what God does, but am I even trying to give a little? I am excited to see how different life will be for me, I am sure for my family, but for me, to know that I have a husband and children who are not perfect, and that is okay, and I can look over the spilt milk, and the forgotten fix its, and the laundry on the floor.
Life is so short, and the little pitter patters and toys on the floor will one day be replaced with quietness and dust bunnies, so instead of getting upset over the little things, give grace, and remember they are clay, and it is marred and a mess like you.....
Today, I am blessed, so blessed.......
Isaiah 64:8Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Here I am again.....
Yes, I actually am blogging again, surprising I know. We have not had internet for two months and getting it where we live has been a chore, but that is another story.
Today I saw a rainbow and it reminded me again of the blessings I have been given.
This week my son, Justin, celebrated his ninth birthday. Oh how time has flown, and oh the memories we have made together. But nine years ago we thought there would be no Justin. We had tried for seven years to concieve another child after having our twins, Austin and Alyssa. Through three miscarriages, a D & C, and many false hopes I was pregnant, God blessed us with getting pregnant with Justin. At six weeks pregnant I started cramping and my doctor decided to do an ultrasound, at that time everything looked okay. But I continued to cramp and bleed. So two weeks later I went in for another check and had another ultrasound. This time the doctor told me that the baby was not growing and that I needed to go in the next morning early and have a D&C because that was the best thing to do.
Well God does speak to His children. And Jon and I at the same time told the doctor that we did not feel this was a miscarriage like before, and that we would like to do blood work to make sure the baby was not growing.
The doctor-not a Christian I learned later-said that he did not go by blood tests but if we would feel better he would go ahead and do one.
So that we did....
We went home, waiting for the results, waiting for the dreaded news of before, but just hanging on to the hope that we had that God would see us through, and if we did not get to keep this pregnancy, well He had a reason. But it was a long, long four hours of waiting.
Four hours later, the phone call, and it was not the nurse, it was the doctor, and I found this odd indeed. But as he began to speak, a peace and calm came over me, and I knew everything was okay. Though that was not confirmed yet, the doctor said the blood test showed that the baby was indeed growing and the numbers were high, and we needed to go right then and have an ultrasound at the hospital on better equipment.
So off we went quickly, and waited our turn. I knew the ultrasound techs due to being an xray tech for so many years at the same hospital. I was explaining the story to them and what the events of our day had held, and she placed the ultrasound probe on my stomach and immediately said: Look, there is your baby's heart beat and it is beating so fast and so healthy. God was in control!!!!!!!
With tears in our eyes of joy, and so much reassurance that He was going to make this work, we left and had to call everyone to let them know we would for sure be adding a new addition to our family in seven more months.
The months passed and we continued our normal visits with a few extra in between and it was time for our sixteen week visit to do the routine blood test to make sure the baby did not have downs or spina bifida or any other chromosomal defect. With my twins the result should have been elevated and abnormal because there were two of them. But it was normal. Which was a false test reading.
A few days passed and we were called with the results, they were abnormal and this put a new set of possibilites on the table now. But we knew He was still in control, and whatever happened was going to be okay. On the way home we saw a rainbow, and that was our sign to us that God was still in control, He still kept His promises and a peace we needed that day.
We found out soon after that we would be having another little boy, and we were so excited. The ultrasound showed he was growing great, had no defects and no chromosomal markers were evident, that was a releif.
The pregnancy went on normally, and time for the wonderful glucose tolerance test came. Drinking the wonderful orange fizzed out soda, it is just something you never forget. Well of course, could the test be normal? NO! I had to go in for my second test, and this time drink more and stay most of the day with no food, and that is not good for a pregnant woman's temper!!! The results for the second test came out abnormal too. So here we went on a new journey.
I began insulin shots and seeeing a specialist for high risk pregnancies. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and it did give me a better view of our baby because we had to go every two weeks to start with and have ultrasounds, and then weekly to make sure he was not getting too big. Insulin was only for a few months, and it was okay, because two more times during my pregnancy when I was discouraged and afriad, God made a rainbow and I knew that was our special sign to know He was there.
The week before he was due we decided to go to Longhorns, I had craved their chicken fingers and chieken wraps the whole pregnancy and I was really wanting it that night too. While at Longhorns, I was having very bad indigestion pain, pains in the front of my stomach which was not normal for labor pains for me, and our waitress who was a good friend said, well that is how my labor was, and that is what made us go to the hospital on the 13th of March.
My contraction came and went for several hours and they kept me overnight. I was told the next morning that I was going to go home, and I guess Justin heard that cause my contractions started again.
Around 2:30 that afternoon we were rolled into the labor OR because I had to have a C-section because of my previous one,, While rolling in Justin did some major flips, and I mentioned that to the doctor when he came in, that he was flipping harder than he ever had in knots it seemed.
Well as if nothing else weird could happen, I had an epidural but it just did not seem that it was working. So I told the nurses that when they put the betadine on my stomach to clean the area for surgery, and she said oh, it is just a cold sensation that is normal. Well, it was not, the doctor began cutting on my lower left side and NO the epidural was not working I felt EVERY bit of it. So needless to say, I had to be put to sleep. It is a good thing though, when they cut into my placenta to break the water and grab Justin, he was blue. When he did all the flipping in my stomach he had gotten the cord wrapped around his neck and Jon said you could hear a pin drop in the room it was so quiet.
Well, obviously, God had big plans for Justin's life because he survived, he had a great apgar once they got the cord off of his neck. And he was very normal, healthy and had great lungs.
My gestational diabetes did go away as soon as he was born. And Justin had Colic the first few months, but oh what a baby he was. And what personality he had from the start. We called him little boy blue, because it seemed all we put him in was blue. And he had the bluest eyes! My dad called him Justin time, and Justin case. And he was and still is our little buddy.
Well here we are nine years later. And they tell you that each child is different and so that for sure is the case. My twins are different as night and day from each other, and Justin is completely different from them.
And that is great. Because He has so many wonderful traits about him, and he is Justin!
God blessed me with a special little boy that is my miracle little boy, and many people judge him because he is outspoken and does not do things their way, but everyone is different, and God made us all. He is so smart, so intelligent, so creative, so handsome, so funny, so loving, so not shy, so in love with Jesus, such a big vocabulary, so caring, so inquisitive, so outgoing, so great! And so GOD'S!
I hate that people judge a child by their standards, and that they forget that God made us all unique in our own ways for a plan that He has for us. And it is not our place to judge at all.
He is my special boy,, and oh how blessed and thankful I am that nine years later, he has turned into a wonderul young man that is not afriad to tell you or anyone about Jesus, he meets no stranger, and he is not ashamed to witness or tell you that Jesus is alive. Often I hear him singing in another room to the top of his lungs, and it is always praise and worship songs.
Just recently he told me that the people in children's church just don't get it, Jesus is real, and we are singing songs about Him, you should show it when you sing, don't just stand there but show you know the meaning of what you are singing. WOW! He gets it!!
So...today I am once again blessed...what God has in store for my Justin is yet to be seen, but it is pretty big, he saved him from death several times before birth, and He saved him from death after birth to one day live with Him, I know that he is going to make such a difference in this world, I can't wait to see it.
Thank you Lord for Justin.
I am truly SO BLESSED!!!!!!
Today I saw a rainbow and it reminded me again of the blessings I have been given.
This week my son, Justin, celebrated his ninth birthday. Oh how time has flown, and oh the memories we have made together. But nine years ago we thought there would be no Justin. We had tried for seven years to concieve another child after having our twins, Austin and Alyssa. Through three miscarriages, a D & C, and many false hopes I was pregnant, God blessed us with getting pregnant with Justin. At six weeks pregnant I started cramping and my doctor decided to do an ultrasound, at that time everything looked okay. But I continued to cramp and bleed. So two weeks later I went in for another check and had another ultrasound. This time the doctor told me that the baby was not growing and that I needed to go in the next morning early and have a D&C because that was the best thing to do.
Well God does speak to His children. And Jon and I at the same time told the doctor that we did not feel this was a miscarriage like before, and that we would like to do blood work to make sure the baby was not growing.
The doctor-not a Christian I learned later-said that he did not go by blood tests but if we would feel better he would go ahead and do one.
So that we did....
We went home, waiting for the results, waiting for the dreaded news of before, but just hanging on to the hope that we had that God would see us through, and if we did not get to keep this pregnancy, well He had a reason. But it was a long, long four hours of waiting.
Four hours later, the phone call, and it was not the nurse, it was the doctor, and I found this odd indeed. But as he began to speak, a peace and calm came over me, and I knew everything was okay. Though that was not confirmed yet, the doctor said the blood test showed that the baby was indeed growing and the numbers were high, and we needed to go right then and have an ultrasound at the hospital on better equipment.
So off we went quickly, and waited our turn. I knew the ultrasound techs due to being an xray tech for so many years at the same hospital. I was explaining the story to them and what the events of our day had held, and she placed the ultrasound probe on my stomach and immediately said: Look, there is your baby's heart beat and it is beating so fast and so healthy. God was in control!!!!!!!
With tears in our eyes of joy, and so much reassurance that He was going to make this work, we left and had to call everyone to let them know we would for sure be adding a new addition to our family in seven more months.
The months passed and we continued our normal visits with a few extra in between and it was time for our sixteen week visit to do the routine blood test to make sure the baby did not have downs or spina bifida or any other chromosomal defect. With my twins the result should have been elevated and abnormal because there were two of them. But it was normal. Which was a false test reading.
A few days passed and we were called with the results, they were abnormal and this put a new set of possibilites on the table now. But we knew He was still in control, and whatever happened was going to be okay. On the way home we saw a rainbow, and that was our sign to us that God was still in control, He still kept His promises and a peace we needed that day.
We found out soon after that we would be having another little boy, and we were so excited. The ultrasound showed he was growing great, had no defects and no chromosomal markers were evident, that was a releif.
The pregnancy went on normally, and time for the wonderful glucose tolerance test came. Drinking the wonderful orange fizzed out soda, it is just something you never forget. Well of course, could the test be normal? NO! I had to go in for my second test, and this time drink more and stay most of the day with no food, and that is not good for a pregnant woman's temper!!! The results for the second test came out abnormal too. So here we went on a new journey.
I began insulin shots and seeeing a specialist for high risk pregnancies. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and it did give me a better view of our baby because we had to go every two weeks to start with and have ultrasounds, and then weekly to make sure he was not getting too big. Insulin was only for a few months, and it was okay, because two more times during my pregnancy when I was discouraged and afriad, God made a rainbow and I knew that was our special sign to know He was there.
The week before he was due we decided to go to Longhorns, I had craved their chicken fingers and chieken wraps the whole pregnancy and I was really wanting it that night too. While at Longhorns, I was having very bad indigestion pain, pains in the front of my stomach which was not normal for labor pains for me, and our waitress who was a good friend said, well that is how my labor was, and that is what made us go to the hospital on the 13th of March.
My contraction came and went for several hours and they kept me overnight. I was told the next morning that I was going to go home, and I guess Justin heard that cause my contractions started again.
Around 2:30 that afternoon we were rolled into the labor OR because I had to have a C-section because of my previous one,, While rolling in Justin did some major flips, and I mentioned that to the doctor when he came in, that he was flipping harder than he ever had in knots it seemed.
Well as if nothing else weird could happen, I had an epidural but it just did not seem that it was working. So I told the nurses that when they put the betadine on my stomach to clean the area for surgery, and she said oh, it is just a cold sensation that is normal. Well, it was not, the doctor began cutting on my lower left side and NO the epidural was not working I felt EVERY bit of it. So needless to say, I had to be put to sleep. It is a good thing though, when they cut into my placenta to break the water and grab Justin, he was blue. When he did all the flipping in my stomach he had gotten the cord wrapped around his neck and Jon said you could hear a pin drop in the room it was so quiet.
Well, obviously, God had big plans for Justin's life because he survived, he had a great apgar once they got the cord off of his neck. And he was very normal, healthy and had great lungs.
My gestational diabetes did go away as soon as he was born. And Justin had Colic the first few months, but oh what a baby he was. And what personality he had from the start. We called him little boy blue, because it seemed all we put him in was blue. And he had the bluest eyes! My dad called him Justin time, and Justin case. And he was and still is our little buddy.
Well here we are nine years later. And they tell you that each child is different and so that for sure is the case. My twins are different as night and day from each other, and Justin is completely different from them.
And that is great. Because He has so many wonderful traits about him, and he is Justin!
God blessed me with a special little boy that is my miracle little boy, and many people judge him because he is outspoken and does not do things their way, but everyone is different, and God made us all. He is so smart, so intelligent, so creative, so handsome, so funny, so loving, so not shy, so in love with Jesus, such a big vocabulary, so caring, so inquisitive, so outgoing, so great! And so GOD'S!
I hate that people judge a child by their standards, and that they forget that God made us all unique in our own ways for a plan that He has for us. And it is not our place to judge at all.
He is my special boy,, and oh how blessed and thankful I am that nine years later, he has turned into a wonderul young man that is not afriad to tell you or anyone about Jesus, he meets no stranger, and he is not ashamed to witness or tell you that Jesus is alive. Often I hear him singing in another room to the top of his lungs, and it is always praise and worship songs.
Just recently he told me that the people in children's church just don't get it, Jesus is real, and we are singing songs about Him, you should show it when you sing, don't just stand there but show you know the meaning of what you are singing. WOW! He gets it!!
So...today I am once again blessed...what God has in store for my Justin is yet to be seen, but it is pretty big, he saved him from death several times before birth, and He saved him from death after birth to one day live with Him, I know that he is going to make such a difference in this world, I can't wait to see it.
Thank you Lord for Justin.
I am truly SO BLESSED!!!!!!
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