Wow....I saw the name of my blog on a list of favorites tonight and thought....I need to go and see when the last time I blogged was. And never did I imagine what my last post was.......
Why is it such a big surprise or deal....let me tell you....
When I last blogged, my mother-in-law was very sick in the hospital. We were not sure she would make it through that time. She did. She came home, she experienced not one but two more birthdays. And she did not go before her husband of 55 years. No.....in late November he went to be with the Lord. It was a sad time, though we were all glad he no longer suffered. And we mourned him being gone, but none as much as my mother-in-law.
She had to go live with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and to say that she was lonely, well not because no one visited, or she one by herself, but for 55 years she had her best friend with her, always there, always doing for her, spending life with her, putting up with her mistakes and her flaws as she did his, and always by her side. She missed him greatly. For 8 months she fought to be happy. She lived life quietly. She did not say much. She did not ask for much. She lived.
And so four days after her 74th birthday, very unexpectedly, she went to live eternally with her best friend. She saw Jesus, she sat at his feet, and then I know she ran into the arms of her love.
Oh yes, we all grieve over her death, we miss her, we notice the little things that we never thought of when she was here. We would love to talk to her, and spend time with her again, but never would we ever want her back, because she does not suffer health wise anymore, she does not gasp for every breath, she does not hurt, she is not lonely, she does not miss her lifelong friend, she does not want for anything nor does she have to struggle to smile. She is where she wanted to be for the past 8 months.
Something that we knew one day we would have to walk through, never did we imagine that it would be 8 months apart from each other.
I am thankful, thankful for two parents who raised their son with love in his heart bigger than any heart I have ever been a part of. I am thankful that for 22 years, they were a part of my life. And I am especially thankful, that one day they both asked Jesus into their hearts and now live eternally with Him together.
In this last month, we have also had the horrible news that my husband may have lung cancer. He does not smoke nor has he ever. But he has had pneumonia for months, and it won't clear up. So one day he went into the pulmonologist and he told him that he thought it was cancer. I can tell you that there is not one thing in my life that has stopped me dead in my tracks, causing me to put everything aside, on hold, and cry, and think about so many things that were possible to happen now, and that would happen in the future because of this diagnosis. We prayed, we cried, we talked, we just laid in silence for two days that seems liked years.
We went and had two other opinions from his regular doctors, and they both said that the other doctor was out of line for even saying it was cancer. That they both felt it was not.
So we wait. In a few days we will go back and have another xray to see how the spot has gotten---bigger or smaller. And then we go from there.
God is in control. He knows what it is. He knows what to do. He has it all in His hands and no amount of worry, tears, greif, or anything will change what it is. But we know God can heal him, He can make it not so, and He can do anything.
So....for now....we wait and know He is God.
I am so very blessed to have gone through this.....God reminded me that the little things just don't matter. They are not worth worrying about, and they are not important.
He also reminded me that I need not take my husband or anyone else for granted. God blessed me with a wonderful man. A man that loves me unconditionally. A man that is my best friend. And too often I do take him for granted.
But not anymore. I am thankful each and everyday that God gives me to spend with him. And you know I have started letting the little things be just that little things.
I am blessed, so blessed.......and thankful!!!
Blessings
Monday, August 20, 2012
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
His Mother
So you look at my title for this blog and what is the first thing you think of? Oh no, she is fixing to talk about her mother-in-law. Well actually yes I am, but not in the way you think.....
Today I thought a lot about my mother-in-law. Today she lies in the hospital and her life is almost over...and I thought you know I wonder what she thinks about today. What weighs heavy on her mind? I am sure it is nothing like what lays heavy on mine. For what lies heavy on my mind today are things like, how will I pay this bill, or how will I get this child here and that one there, and how will I get through this trial, or how will I get through that toughness, or even simple things like what will we eat for supper today. No, she does not think on those things. Today, if I were to ask her what she was thinking about, I am sure I would hear,, well I am worried about Neal(that is her husband of 55 years), what will he do without me, how will he make it on his own after all these years, will he be okay, will he be lonely, will he be able to go on....and so many other thoughts.
She is probably thinking about her children, her many grandchildren, her great grandchildren of which she has added yet one more to the count even today as she lies in the hospital. How will they be in the future, what will life be like for them, do they know me, do I know them, and wow, just yesterday I was having children myself......and the thoughts go on.
Or is she thinking about her health, will this be it, will I go home, will I live to see tomorrow, will I get to hold that new grandchild, or will I get to enjoy my next upcoming birthday......and so much more.
But to be her right now, I would imagine that foremost in her mind has to be the contentment and peace that when the time comes and God calls her to come home, what a joy that will be. That if life ends today, if she never gets to go home, never gets to see that new grandchild, never makes it to her next birthday, she has a Savior and King who she will spend eternity with. She knows where she will be, and life here is so temporary and fleeting, and life there is so perfect.
My mother-in-law and I have not always seen eye to eye. We come from two very different backgrounds and we are two very different people, but we have two things very in common-we love Jesus and we love her son. And yet, while she is very different from me, she did raise a son, a man so very wonderful. A man who loves me unconditionally, a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, a man who takes care of me and our children, and a man with the biggest heart ever. And though she has her faults as we all do, she did bring my wonderful husband into this world, and though she is not responsible for his relationship with Jesus, she is his mom, and so......
Today, I pray for his mother, that God will grant her peace, He will either heal her body, or take her home to be perfectly healed, no pain, no suffering, no fluid around her heart, no struggling to breath, just perfect healing. To sit at His feet, to lean on Him, to see her mom and her dad, and her brothers, and her friends who have gone on before her, and to wait for her husband to join her one day. Today I pray for my husband, for though his love for me is greater than for any other but Jesus himself, it is his mother, and this is a journey that we knew one day together we would walk. May I be for him what he needs for me to be, for this will be our first loss of a parent. Today I pray for my father-in-law, who for 55 years has stuck by her side, loved her, put up with her faults as she has his, stood by her, cared for her, and just been there at all times when she needed him to be. What a journey they have walked together, what a life they have lived, what blessings they have received, and what a legacy they will leave...55 years...and while he struggles with health issues of his own, the thought has to be in his mind as has been many times before, how will I make it without her after all these years.
His mother....for 18 years has been my mother-in-law....and though her journey on this Earth will soon end, forever she will be etched in our hearts...and a part of her will always be in the man I look at each day, and love....
For today I am so blessed...because she chose to have him....and one day gave him to me. His mother, my mother-in-law.....
Today I thought a lot about my mother-in-law. Today she lies in the hospital and her life is almost over...and I thought you know I wonder what she thinks about today. What weighs heavy on her mind? I am sure it is nothing like what lays heavy on mine. For what lies heavy on my mind today are things like, how will I pay this bill, or how will I get this child here and that one there, and how will I get through this trial, or how will I get through that toughness, or even simple things like what will we eat for supper today. No, she does not think on those things. Today, if I were to ask her what she was thinking about, I am sure I would hear,, well I am worried about Neal(that is her husband of 55 years), what will he do without me, how will he make it on his own after all these years, will he be okay, will he be lonely, will he be able to go on....and so many other thoughts.
She is probably thinking about her children, her many grandchildren, her great grandchildren of which she has added yet one more to the count even today as she lies in the hospital. How will they be in the future, what will life be like for them, do they know me, do I know them, and wow, just yesterday I was having children myself......and the thoughts go on.
Or is she thinking about her health, will this be it, will I go home, will I live to see tomorrow, will I get to hold that new grandchild, or will I get to enjoy my next upcoming birthday......and so much more.
But to be her right now, I would imagine that foremost in her mind has to be the contentment and peace that when the time comes and God calls her to come home, what a joy that will be. That if life ends today, if she never gets to go home, never gets to see that new grandchild, never makes it to her next birthday, she has a Savior and King who she will spend eternity with. She knows where she will be, and life here is so temporary and fleeting, and life there is so perfect.
My mother-in-law and I have not always seen eye to eye. We come from two very different backgrounds and we are two very different people, but we have two things very in common-we love Jesus and we love her son. And yet, while she is very different from me, she did raise a son, a man so very wonderful. A man who loves me unconditionally, a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, a man who takes care of me and our children, and a man with the biggest heart ever. And though she has her faults as we all do, she did bring my wonderful husband into this world, and though she is not responsible for his relationship with Jesus, she is his mom, and so......
Today, I pray for his mother, that God will grant her peace, He will either heal her body, or take her home to be perfectly healed, no pain, no suffering, no fluid around her heart, no struggling to breath, just perfect healing. To sit at His feet, to lean on Him, to see her mom and her dad, and her brothers, and her friends who have gone on before her, and to wait for her husband to join her one day. Today I pray for my husband, for though his love for me is greater than for any other but Jesus himself, it is his mother, and this is a journey that we knew one day together we would walk. May I be for him what he needs for me to be, for this will be our first loss of a parent. Today I pray for my father-in-law, who for 55 years has stuck by her side, loved her, put up with her faults as she has his, stood by her, cared for her, and just been there at all times when she needed him to be. What a journey they have walked together, what a life they have lived, what blessings they have received, and what a legacy they will leave...55 years...and while he struggles with health issues of his own, the thought has to be in his mind as has been many times before, how will I make it without her after all these years.
His mother....for 18 years has been my mother-in-law....and though her journey on this Earth will soon end, forever she will be etched in our hearts...and a part of her will always be in the man I look at each day, and love....
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
And so another school year ends......
So today I sit and ponder the fact that my children are once again finishing another school year. Where did the time go....and what happened to the year.......?
Austin.......my handsome, hollow legged, on fire for Christ oldest son.....you my child have grown by leaps and bounds this year. Physically you have grown at least 9inches in just a year and a half. I remember so many school years when you came home so upset because you were the smallest and the shortest in your class. Granted you were one of the smartest too, but you hated being so short. Finally summer before last you shot up like a weed, and you have not stopped growing. Soon you will be looking down on your daddy and already do on me-just remember you are never too tall for me to turn you over my knee :) You have also grown in maturity. So many times we are told how mature and how well mannered you are. How respectful you are and what a great young man you are. I am for sure a proud mama, and thankful everyday that God blessed me with you. But most of all you have continued to grow spiritually. Your love for the Lord, your desire to serve Him at all costs, your willingness to help out where needed, and your unashamed testimony for the Lord, they all come shining through in you. And so now, you are fixing to be a junior in high school, and only one year after that and you will be in college full time. Wow, how fast the years have gone. It is hard to imagine life without your witty remarks, you smile, your willingness to take care of what daddy does not have time for, and to be the man when he is not here, every day for me to see. But God has such big plans for you. For you to prosper and not fail, for you to love, to learn, to live and to serve Him all the days of your life. And in a short few months we will take on the venture of homeschooling for the last two years of your high school days. There will be challenges involved but I will enjoy having you with me more time in the days we have left together in your childhood, and to see you grow even more. So congratulations for completing your sophomore year, you did great, you made it through public school and now enjoy your summer, serve him with your voice your music, and keep on being that wonderful son that God blessed me with almost 16 years go-oh that reminds me-along with the year ending we take on the new journey of you driving soon-wow-that is a new journey-always be careful-this mama prays for you everyday, and you better believe even more when you start driving. It has been such a ride being your mom....being a mom of twins like you and your sister......being a mom of a young man after God's own heart.....I love you Austin. Happy Summer.
Alyssa....my bubbly, smiley, beautiful, blue eyed, smart, energetic, and on fire for Jesus oldest daughter....you my child have changed so much this school year. You have grown physically more beautiful, don't ever let anyone tell you you are not pretty because there are many who would love to have that hair, those eyes, and that personality. Though I do not think you will ever get as tall as Austin, you have grown, and you are beautiful. Your personality shines for Jesus, you daily read His word, you live His word, and you strive hard to be the example that He wants you to be of Him. I see the hesitation in your actions sometimes afraid that others may see you as odd in your walk with Jesus, as not normal, but also I see your unashamed willingness to do whatever it takes to be the child of God that He wants you to be not the world. You have done well this year in your first and last year of public school. You got right in there, had a group of other believers together form a bond to pray together at school and do Bible studies together. You are physically beautiful but you are beautiful inside too. I am proud of the young lady you have become. Always willing to help even when not asked to help at home and else where and that is a rarity in a teenager. Always able to look on the positive side when it comes to life trials and that is commendable indeed. So you have finished your year as a sophomore....and now the summer will begin...I pray you have an awesome summer...that you draw closer to Him in the many events you have in front of you....that you rest some.....that you enjoy life as you always do.....and that you are so very careful when in just two months you get behind that wheel and drive on your own....I will be on my knees so much more too :) I look forward to the next school year of being able to have you at home for school. It will be challenging at times, but I will love having you and your siblings at home. And then...in just two short years....you Will be in college full time.....life will change a we have known it...and you will be one place and possibly Austin another....and wow what a change that will be huh...never separated at all since conception for any length of time, and then possibly you will be in two separate places....I am proud of the wonderful daughter you have been and proud to be your mom....I thank God everyday for blessing me with you....Stay strong in your faith...walk the walk each day as you do....trust in Him....serve Him everyday of your life......and always remember He is there....and at home your mom and dad are praying for you....I love you my sweet child.....Happy Summer!
Justin......what can I say but awesome.....you have finished this year so well...you came into this school year missing your Georgia friends, the school, your grandpa, and so much more from Georgia....you hated school, you did not want to be in Texas...and for a while it was a rocky road....but you did it...all A's once again for the year, commendable scores on your TAKS test missing none...and even survived public school. I am proud of you Justin. It has not been easy for either of us to get through the last nine months...but guess what, we did it. Now you will be a fourth grader...where has the time gone? You have grown so much more handsome, and I am proud of the boy you are.. you are so smart....you have a mind of your own, and that tends to get you into trouble a lot....but you are who God made you to be....and that is who you need to be. People will judge you for the rest of your life..tell you what you should be like, how you should do this or that, but I pray that all the days of your life you will strive for nothing but the best of what God asks of you not people.. Your daddy and I are proud of you for loving Jesus as you do....I am sorry that the availability for you to really worship is not here where we are, but you take what God gives you and you sore with it and you do the best you can with what you have. I am proud of your witness especially at school. To be able to ask kids if they know Jesus....there are many adults that won't do that. Next year we take on a new journey...homeschooling...and I am excited to have you and your siblings at home with me, and I know that you are going to just grow even more in your intelligence....I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. So congratulations on finishing the 3rd grade...and I pray you have an awesome summer...I know you can't wait for Georgia.....I love you my sweet son, and love the way you love me too.....happy summer!
Jenna.....my last precious child, beautiful, blue eyed, bubbly personality, and honest child.....wow how much you have grown. I know there is not a day, never, that someone does not stop me and tell me how beautiful you are, how gorgeous your eyes are, or how sweet of a personality you have. I am proud to be your mama. And I know that there are many years ahead for God to do many wonderful things in your life. You have only just begun....and so far you have done so well. I can't wait for the day that you understand the fact that Jesus loves you so much and you as Him into your heart. I know you will be such a testimony for Him. I love ever since you were 18 months old hearing you singing praise and worship from the back seat of our car. I love hearing you singing to the top of your lungs the words of how much He loves us, and wow one day I hope you will use that voice and those words to serve Him more.. you are so smart, you make us all laugh..and you are a blessing that I thank God for each and everyday. God so knew what He was dong when He gave you to us.....so now you will start kindergarten in a few short months, and I can't wait to see how you take off and keep right on absorbing all that there is for you. I pray that bubbly personality and that wittiness that you have will always be, that no one will take that from you, and that you will trust Him one day.I love you my sweet little Jennerbug, happy summer!
Now to Jon... the love of my life....though you have not finished another school year...you have finished a long nine months of a lot of challenges...and you have done well. It has been tough..it has been trying....it has been tiring...but I am so thankful that you do not mind working hard, you want to take care of us..and you have the same desire as I to teach our children at home....allow them to excel....and teach them more and more each day of His love for us. Thank you for being the example to our children of a Godly father, a loving father, and a Godly and loving husband. God so knew what He was doing so many many years ago when He brought us together....I am so honored to be your wife...I am honored to be able to love you....and I am so in love with you....wow we have two juniors, a fourth grader, and a kindergartner now, sooner than we can imagine...they will all be grown and on their own, and it will be us again.....I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you....good or bad...tough or easy.....rich or poor....sick or well....challenges or not.....heartaches and joys......all with you my love.......I love you my husband...happy summer.....
And it goes without even having to be said but I will say it anyway.....I am indeed SO BLESSED! Thank you Lord.....
Austin.......my handsome, hollow legged, on fire for Christ oldest son.....you my child have grown by leaps and bounds this year. Physically you have grown at least 9inches in just a year and a half. I remember so many school years when you came home so upset because you were the smallest and the shortest in your class. Granted you were one of the smartest too, but you hated being so short. Finally summer before last you shot up like a weed, and you have not stopped growing. Soon you will be looking down on your daddy and already do on me-just remember you are never too tall for me to turn you over my knee :) You have also grown in maturity. So many times we are told how mature and how well mannered you are. How respectful you are and what a great young man you are. I am for sure a proud mama, and thankful everyday that God blessed me with you. But most of all you have continued to grow spiritually. Your love for the Lord, your desire to serve Him at all costs, your willingness to help out where needed, and your unashamed testimony for the Lord, they all come shining through in you. And so now, you are fixing to be a junior in high school, and only one year after that and you will be in college full time. Wow, how fast the years have gone. It is hard to imagine life without your witty remarks, you smile, your willingness to take care of what daddy does not have time for, and to be the man when he is not here, every day for me to see. But God has such big plans for you. For you to prosper and not fail, for you to love, to learn, to live and to serve Him all the days of your life. And in a short few months we will take on the venture of homeschooling for the last two years of your high school days. There will be challenges involved but I will enjoy having you with me more time in the days we have left together in your childhood, and to see you grow even more. So congratulations for completing your sophomore year, you did great, you made it through public school and now enjoy your summer, serve him with your voice your music, and keep on being that wonderful son that God blessed me with almost 16 years go-oh that reminds me-along with the year ending we take on the new journey of you driving soon-wow-that is a new journey-always be careful-this mama prays for you everyday, and you better believe even more when you start driving. It has been such a ride being your mom....being a mom of twins like you and your sister......being a mom of a young man after God's own heart.....I love you Austin. Happy Summer.
Alyssa....my bubbly, smiley, beautiful, blue eyed, smart, energetic, and on fire for Jesus oldest daughter....you my child have changed so much this school year. You have grown physically more beautiful, don't ever let anyone tell you you are not pretty because there are many who would love to have that hair, those eyes, and that personality. Though I do not think you will ever get as tall as Austin, you have grown, and you are beautiful. Your personality shines for Jesus, you daily read His word, you live His word, and you strive hard to be the example that He wants you to be of Him. I see the hesitation in your actions sometimes afraid that others may see you as odd in your walk with Jesus, as not normal, but also I see your unashamed willingness to do whatever it takes to be the child of God that He wants you to be not the world. You have done well this year in your first and last year of public school. You got right in there, had a group of other believers together form a bond to pray together at school and do Bible studies together. You are physically beautiful but you are beautiful inside too. I am proud of the young lady you have become. Always willing to help even when not asked to help at home and else where and that is a rarity in a teenager. Always able to look on the positive side when it comes to life trials and that is commendable indeed. So you have finished your year as a sophomore....and now the summer will begin...I pray you have an awesome summer...that you draw closer to Him in the many events you have in front of you....that you rest some.....that you enjoy life as you always do.....and that you are so very careful when in just two months you get behind that wheel and drive on your own....I will be on my knees so much more too :) I look forward to the next school year of being able to have you at home for school. It will be challenging at times, but I will love having you and your siblings at home. And then...in just two short years....you Will be in college full time.....life will change a we have known it...and you will be one place and possibly Austin another....and wow what a change that will be huh...never separated at all since conception for any length of time, and then possibly you will be in two separate places....I am proud of the wonderful daughter you have been and proud to be your mom....I thank God everyday for blessing me with you....Stay strong in your faith...walk the walk each day as you do....trust in Him....serve Him everyday of your life......and always remember He is there....and at home your mom and dad are praying for you....I love you my sweet child.....Happy Summer!
Justin......what can I say but awesome.....you have finished this year so well...you came into this school year missing your Georgia friends, the school, your grandpa, and so much more from Georgia....you hated school, you did not want to be in Texas...and for a while it was a rocky road....but you did it...all A's once again for the year, commendable scores on your TAKS test missing none...and even survived public school. I am proud of you Justin. It has not been easy for either of us to get through the last nine months...but guess what, we did it. Now you will be a fourth grader...where has the time gone? You have grown so much more handsome, and I am proud of the boy you are.. you are so smart....you have a mind of your own, and that tends to get you into trouble a lot....but you are who God made you to be....and that is who you need to be. People will judge you for the rest of your life..tell you what you should be like, how you should do this or that, but I pray that all the days of your life you will strive for nothing but the best of what God asks of you not people.. Your daddy and I are proud of you for loving Jesus as you do....I am sorry that the availability for you to really worship is not here where we are, but you take what God gives you and you sore with it and you do the best you can with what you have. I am proud of your witness especially at school. To be able to ask kids if they know Jesus....there are many adults that won't do that. Next year we take on a new journey...homeschooling...and I am excited to have you and your siblings at home with me, and I know that you are going to just grow even more in your intelligence....I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. So congratulations on finishing the 3rd grade...and I pray you have an awesome summer...I know you can't wait for Georgia.....I love you my sweet son, and love the way you love me too.....happy summer!
Jenna.....my last precious child, beautiful, blue eyed, bubbly personality, and honest child.....wow how much you have grown. I know there is not a day, never, that someone does not stop me and tell me how beautiful you are, how gorgeous your eyes are, or how sweet of a personality you have. I am proud to be your mama. And I know that there are many years ahead for God to do many wonderful things in your life. You have only just begun....and so far you have done so well. I can't wait for the day that you understand the fact that Jesus loves you so much and you as Him into your heart. I know you will be such a testimony for Him. I love ever since you were 18 months old hearing you singing praise and worship from the back seat of our car. I love hearing you singing to the top of your lungs the words of how much He loves us, and wow one day I hope you will use that voice and those words to serve Him more.. you are so smart, you make us all laugh..and you are a blessing that I thank God for each and everyday. God so knew what He was dong when He gave you to us.....so now you will start kindergarten in a few short months, and I can't wait to see how you take off and keep right on absorbing all that there is for you. I pray that bubbly personality and that wittiness that you have will always be, that no one will take that from you, and that you will trust Him one day.I love you my sweet little Jennerbug, happy summer!
Now to Jon... the love of my life....though you have not finished another school year...you have finished a long nine months of a lot of challenges...and you have done well. It has been tough..it has been trying....it has been tiring...but I am so thankful that you do not mind working hard, you want to take care of us..and you have the same desire as I to teach our children at home....allow them to excel....and teach them more and more each day of His love for us. Thank you for being the example to our children of a Godly father, a loving father, and a Godly and loving husband. God so knew what He was doing so many many years ago when He brought us together....I am so honored to be your wife...I am honored to be able to love you....and I am so in love with you....wow we have two juniors, a fourth grader, and a kindergartner now, sooner than we can imagine...they will all be grown and on their own, and it will be us again.....I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you....good or bad...tough or easy.....rich or poor....sick or well....challenges or not.....heartaches and joys......all with you my love.......I love you my husband...happy summer.....
And it goes without even having to be said but I will say it anyway.....I am indeed SO BLESSED! Thank you Lord.....
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Georgia On My Mind
So we now have lived in Texas for eight months. When we began praying over a year and a half ago as to whether God wanted us to move to Texas or not, we had a lot of expectations on our list for when we got here. God's will was for us to move, and why, I do not know, but we followed His will. We packed up what we had stuffed, stacked, packed away, cluttered, and kept for over 17 years. It was a job. It was hard. But we made it through and with many tears in leaving we made it across the country to Texas.
Expectations we had you may ask: Well......
First of all, we had the expectation that Jon's family would be welcoming, open armed, loving, caring, excited we were here, helpful, interested in getting to know us better, and the list goes on and on. For 17 years, his family has treated me like an outcast, and why I thought it would be different when I moved here? Not sure, but I was wrong. Since moving here, it has been anything but the above. First expectation, down the drain!
Second, we were told the school systems were great. That if we moved into the area we did that the kids would be in a great school system, and we would love it...Well compared to what else is around here, maybe it was a good system, but compared to what we came from it was not! We have been so disappointed in how behind the system is, how much they concentrate on nothing but the TAKS test, and how much they do not teach on life skills that are needed like STUDYING, TAKING PRIDE IN EXCELLENCE, CHALLENGE, and so on. So this next school year I will be homeschooling all four children. Another expectation down the drain.
Third expectation, we came from a wonderful church. A large church, very in to outreach, prayer, worship, excellence, and future generations. The church that makes the movies, and the church that wins souls. We came here thinking we would find something close, even half the size, even close to worship, NOT, we have been to many, I mean many churches, and have yet to find one that has the future generations in mind. It is hard when you are a music person as we both, well all are, and you can not get plugged in musically without going backwards.
Fourth expectation, it would not be hard for Jon to get a job here. WRONG, just now, the last two weeks has Jon gotten a job that pays well, is what he enjoys, and will support us not greatly but enough to pay our bills. And we have struggled, more than any other time in our lives. We have been to where I thought I would not have enough gas to take my kids to school, to go to church, to buy groceries, to have what we needed.
So you might think, wow, how negative can she be. Well I say all this because though I am so homesick, so ready to go back to Georgia, and so unsure of why we are here, I do know that my God is real, and He brought us to this desert place, foreign land, for a reason. I do not know how long we will be here, if it were up to me we would have left four months ago, but I do know that for some plan that God has, we are here, and while I am here I am going to make the best of it. God has provided when we thought we could not get any lower, when we thought we would not make it, and each time it brought us closer to Him. He was there, we just let go of His hand, and had to get back.
So for now, though longing for my family and home, God is the comfort, the peace and the lover of my soul, and He will bring us through this dry land into a place where we see hope again.
Though our expectations have long been gone, we are so blessed even so!!!!
Expectations we had you may ask: Well......
First of all, we had the expectation that Jon's family would be welcoming, open armed, loving, caring, excited we were here, helpful, interested in getting to know us better, and the list goes on and on. For 17 years, his family has treated me like an outcast, and why I thought it would be different when I moved here? Not sure, but I was wrong. Since moving here, it has been anything but the above. First expectation, down the drain!
Second, we were told the school systems were great. That if we moved into the area we did that the kids would be in a great school system, and we would love it...Well compared to what else is around here, maybe it was a good system, but compared to what we came from it was not! We have been so disappointed in how behind the system is, how much they concentrate on nothing but the TAKS test, and how much they do not teach on life skills that are needed like STUDYING, TAKING PRIDE IN EXCELLENCE, CHALLENGE, and so on. So this next school year I will be homeschooling all four children. Another expectation down the drain.
Third expectation, we came from a wonderful church. A large church, very in to outreach, prayer, worship, excellence, and future generations. The church that makes the movies, and the church that wins souls. We came here thinking we would find something close, even half the size, even close to worship, NOT, we have been to many, I mean many churches, and have yet to find one that has the future generations in mind. It is hard when you are a music person as we both, well all are, and you can not get plugged in musically without going backwards.
Fourth expectation, it would not be hard for Jon to get a job here. WRONG, just now, the last two weeks has Jon gotten a job that pays well, is what he enjoys, and will support us not greatly but enough to pay our bills. And we have struggled, more than any other time in our lives. We have been to where I thought I would not have enough gas to take my kids to school, to go to church, to buy groceries, to have what we needed.
So you might think, wow, how negative can she be. Well I say all this because though I am so homesick, so ready to go back to Georgia, and so unsure of why we are here, I do know that my God is real, and He brought us to this desert place, foreign land, for a reason. I do not know how long we will be here, if it were up to me we would have left four months ago, but I do know that for some plan that God has, we are here, and while I am here I am going to make the best of it. God has provided when we thought we could not get any lower, when we thought we would not make it, and each time it brought us closer to Him. He was there, we just let go of His hand, and had to get back.
So for now, though longing for my family and home, God is the comfort, the peace and the lover of my soul, and He will bring us through this dry land into a place where we see hope again.
Though our expectations have long been gone, we are so blessed even so!!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Surgery is over
Yay!! The surgery is over and I actually do not feel bad at all. This being the second day, I expected worse.
God has been so faithful to my family and this was just another time I can praise Him for all He has done.
I was quite anxious going into surgery, not knowing what to expect, being in a strange place, etc..but God brought me through so much above where I thought I would be.
When I was praying before surgery, one concern I kept coming to was whether I would wake up from anasthesia. I have a very hard time with anesthesia and waking up is the hardest thing. Once I get through that I am fine. When praying I just kept thinking, oh what if I die, yes I will be in Heaven and I will be in such a better place. But all I could think of was Jon and my children and leaving them without a wife and mother. I hear so often of girls at 16 who have lost their mom, or little children losing their mom, or husbands losing their wives or so on and so on. And I just kept fearing it. I did not want them to lose me. Not being conceited just the thought.
So as I kept praying that God would please see me through this, not to let me die, He reminded me that if I were to die, He was in control. He had the plans already laid out as to what I would do, and He had the plans ready for what my husband and children would do. I did not have to fear what would happen, or if they could cope, that He was there, He would provide like He always has, and He would comfort them and bring them through and help them to live on.
What a peace. Knowing God was in control. So as I went to the hospital I knew if I did not wake up, it was okay, because God knew too.
I made it obviously, so God has more He wants for me to do in this life. And I guess He thought my family still needed me ha ha, cause they still have to put up with me a little longer :)
So many prayers were lifted up, and so many people shared their concern for me, and that made it great too.
Today I am recovering, the doctor had to remove much more than he thought he would and I have to go back soon for a scope to see how it is going. I also have to remain on strong antiiotics and antifungal meds. to make sure it does not come back, the posibility of having it again are great and I really just don't enjoy suregery at all ha ha.
I blog this because it reminded me that God knows the plans for our lives, He knows when we will live and when we will die, He knows what we can handle and He knows what we can't making us rely on Him more. Remember, to place your cares on Him, He has your back!!!
And today, I am once again.....So Blessed!!!
Jer. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God has been so faithful to my family and this was just another time I can praise Him for all He has done.
I was quite anxious going into surgery, not knowing what to expect, being in a strange place, etc..but God brought me through so much above where I thought I would be.
When I was praying before surgery, one concern I kept coming to was whether I would wake up from anasthesia. I have a very hard time with anesthesia and waking up is the hardest thing. Once I get through that I am fine. When praying I just kept thinking, oh what if I die, yes I will be in Heaven and I will be in such a better place. But all I could think of was Jon and my children and leaving them without a wife and mother. I hear so often of girls at 16 who have lost their mom, or little children losing their mom, or husbands losing their wives or so on and so on. And I just kept fearing it. I did not want them to lose me. Not being conceited just the thought.
So as I kept praying that God would please see me through this, not to let me die, He reminded me that if I were to die, He was in control. He had the plans already laid out as to what I would do, and He had the plans ready for what my husband and children would do. I did not have to fear what would happen, or if they could cope, that He was there, He would provide like He always has, and He would comfort them and bring them through and help them to live on.
What a peace. Knowing God was in control. So as I went to the hospital I knew if I did not wake up, it was okay, because God knew too.
I made it obviously, so God has more He wants for me to do in this life. And I guess He thought my family still needed me ha ha, cause they still have to put up with me a little longer :)
So many prayers were lifted up, and so many people shared their concern for me, and that made it great too.
Today I am recovering, the doctor had to remove much more than he thought he would and I have to go back soon for a scope to see how it is going. I also have to remain on strong antiiotics and antifungal meds. to make sure it does not come back, the posibility of having it again are great and I really just don't enjoy suregery at all ha ha.
I blog this because it reminded me that God knows the plans for our lives, He knows when we will live and when we will die, He knows what we can handle and He knows what we can't making us rely on Him more. Remember, to place your cares on Him, He has your back!!!
And today, I am once again.....So Blessed!!!
Jer. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Grace....Do I show enough?
I subscribe to a daily marriage tip that comes to my email each day and have been a member for several years now. The tip always has a suggestion that is positive to encourage, improve, help, give ideas to, or just pray about your marriage or family. Yesterday it talked about grace and it got me to thinking, so I thought since today I have a few mintues to myself (yes this comes very seldom :)) I would type a few words on grace that have been on my heart since reading this post.
Grace.....the exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor on man *Webster's Dictionary
Once I heard it said, Grace is God giving us more than we deserve, and Mercy is God not giving us what we deserve.
How much grace does He give us daily?.......TONS! So many times we fail, we mess up, we slip with our tongue or we lose our patience, or we do something very imperfect. But God does not expect us to be perfect and he knows we will fail. But does He blow up at us, or holler at us, or turn His back on us, or even dislke us because of our mistakes or imperfections? No, He gives us forgiveness and grace.
His word says......But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Jer. 18:4
God everyday takes the clay that we are and He reshapes it into what He wants it to be. He knows that today I will grow impatient for one of my children's mishaps, or that I will not respect my husband like He wants me to, or that I will not spend the time needed in prayer because of my priorities....or the list goes on and on, but He is the potter and He gives us grace everyday.
Likewise, He does the same for our children and our spouses. They mess up, and they are not perfect, but way too often we expect them to be. We fuss because they drop something, or we nag because they were late, or they forgot something you asked of them, and they are clay full of flaw like us. But why is it that we show such little grace to them, when our Father shows so much more grace than we deserve?
Wow...I stopped and thought about how little I do show grace to my family. God allows me to make mistakes, and He allows me to mess up, and return He loves me. He forgives me. He does not fuss at me. He does not nag. He does not speak negatively of me. He does not turn His back on me. He loves me. He gives me grace. And He forgives and forgets when I ask.
So today...I decided I would try to give more grace. I can't even imagine being able to give what God does, but am I even trying to give a little? I am excited to see how different life will be for me, I am sure for my family, but for me, to know that I have a husband and children who are not perfect, and that is okay, and I can look over the spilt milk, and the forgotten fix its, and the laundry on the floor.
Life is so short, and the little pitter patters and toys on the floor will one day be replaced with quietness and dust bunnies, so instead of getting upset over the little things, give grace, and remember they are clay, and it is marred and a mess like you.....
Today, I am blessed, so blessed.......
Isaiah 64:8Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Here I am again.....
Yes, I actually am blogging again, surprising I know. We have not had internet for two months and getting it where we live has been a chore, but that is another story.
Today I saw a rainbow and it reminded me again of the blessings I have been given.
This week my son, Justin, celebrated his ninth birthday. Oh how time has flown, and oh the memories we have made together. But nine years ago we thought there would be no Justin. We had tried for seven years to concieve another child after having our twins, Austin and Alyssa. Through three miscarriages, a D & C, and many false hopes I was pregnant, God blessed us with getting pregnant with Justin. At six weeks pregnant I started cramping and my doctor decided to do an ultrasound, at that time everything looked okay. But I continued to cramp and bleed. So two weeks later I went in for another check and had another ultrasound. This time the doctor told me that the baby was not growing and that I needed to go in the next morning early and have a D&C because that was the best thing to do.
Well God does speak to His children. And Jon and I at the same time told the doctor that we did not feel this was a miscarriage like before, and that we would like to do blood work to make sure the baby was not growing.
The doctor-not a Christian I learned later-said that he did not go by blood tests but if we would feel better he would go ahead and do one.
So that we did....
We went home, waiting for the results, waiting for the dreaded news of before, but just hanging on to the hope that we had that God would see us through, and if we did not get to keep this pregnancy, well He had a reason. But it was a long, long four hours of waiting.
Four hours later, the phone call, and it was not the nurse, it was the doctor, and I found this odd indeed. But as he began to speak, a peace and calm came over me, and I knew everything was okay. Though that was not confirmed yet, the doctor said the blood test showed that the baby was indeed growing and the numbers were high, and we needed to go right then and have an ultrasound at the hospital on better equipment.
So off we went quickly, and waited our turn. I knew the ultrasound techs due to being an xray tech for so many years at the same hospital. I was explaining the story to them and what the events of our day had held, and she placed the ultrasound probe on my stomach and immediately said: Look, there is your baby's heart beat and it is beating so fast and so healthy. God was in control!!!!!!!
With tears in our eyes of joy, and so much reassurance that He was going to make this work, we left and had to call everyone to let them know we would for sure be adding a new addition to our family in seven more months.
The months passed and we continued our normal visits with a few extra in between and it was time for our sixteen week visit to do the routine blood test to make sure the baby did not have downs or spina bifida or any other chromosomal defect. With my twins the result should have been elevated and abnormal because there were two of them. But it was normal. Which was a false test reading.
A few days passed and we were called with the results, they were abnormal and this put a new set of possibilites on the table now. But we knew He was still in control, and whatever happened was going to be okay. On the way home we saw a rainbow, and that was our sign to us that God was still in control, He still kept His promises and a peace we needed that day.
We found out soon after that we would be having another little boy, and we were so excited. The ultrasound showed he was growing great, had no defects and no chromosomal markers were evident, that was a releif.
The pregnancy went on normally, and time for the wonderful glucose tolerance test came. Drinking the wonderful orange fizzed out soda, it is just something you never forget. Well of course, could the test be normal? NO! I had to go in for my second test, and this time drink more and stay most of the day with no food, and that is not good for a pregnant woman's temper!!! The results for the second test came out abnormal too. So here we went on a new journey.
I began insulin shots and seeeing a specialist for high risk pregnancies. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and it did give me a better view of our baby because we had to go every two weeks to start with and have ultrasounds, and then weekly to make sure he was not getting too big. Insulin was only for a few months, and it was okay, because two more times during my pregnancy when I was discouraged and afriad, God made a rainbow and I knew that was our special sign to know He was there.
The week before he was due we decided to go to Longhorns, I had craved their chicken fingers and chieken wraps the whole pregnancy and I was really wanting it that night too. While at Longhorns, I was having very bad indigestion pain, pains in the front of my stomach which was not normal for labor pains for me, and our waitress who was a good friend said, well that is how my labor was, and that is what made us go to the hospital on the 13th of March.
My contraction came and went for several hours and they kept me overnight. I was told the next morning that I was going to go home, and I guess Justin heard that cause my contractions started again.
Around 2:30 that afternoon we were rolled into the labor OR because I had to have a C-section because of my previous one,, While rolling in Justin did some major flips, and I mentioned that to the doctor when he came in, that he was flipping harder than he ever had in knots it seemed.
Well as if nothing else weird could happen, I had an epidural but it just did not seem that it was working. So I told the nurses that when they put the betadine on my stomach to clean the area for surgery, and she said oh, it is just a cold sensation that is normal. Well, it was not, the doctor began cutting on my lower left side and NO the epidural was not working I felt EVERY bit of it. So needless to say, I had to be put to sleep. It is a good thing though, when they cut into my placenta to break the water and grab Justin, he was blue. When he did all the flipping in my stomach he had gotten the cord wrapped around his neck and Jon said you could hear a pin drop in the room it was so quiet.
Well, obviously, God had big plans for Justin's life because he survived, he had a great apgar once they got the cord off of his neck. And he was very normal, healthy and had great lungs.
My gestational diabetes did go away as soon as he was born. And Justin had Colic the first few months, but oh what a baby he was. And what personality he had from the start. We called him little boy blue, because it seemed all we put him in was blue. And he had the bluest eyes! My dad called him Justin time, and Justin case. And he was and still is our little buddy.
Well here we are nine years later. And they tell you that each child is different and so that for sure is the case. My twins are different as night and day from each other, and Justin is completely different from them.
And that is great. Because He has so many wonderful traits about him, and he is Justin!
God blessed me with a special little boy that is my miracle little boy, and many people judge him because he is outspoken and does not do things their way, but everyone is different, and God made us all. He is so smart, so intelligent, so creative, so handsome, so funny, so loving, so not shy, so in love with Jesus, such a big vocabulary, so caring, so inquisitive, so outgoing, so great! And so GOD'S!
I hate that people judge a child by their standards, and that they forget that God made us all unique in our own ways for a plan that He has for us. And it is not our place to judge at all.
He is my special boy,, and oh how blessed and thankful I am that nine years later, he has turned into a wonderul young man that is not afriad to tell you or anyone about Jesus, he meets no stranger, and he is not ashamed to witness or tell you that Jesus is alive. Often I hear him singing in another room to the top of his lungs, and it is always praise and worship songs.
Just recently he told me that the people in children's church just don't get it, Jesus is real, and we are singing songs about Him, you should show it when you sing, don't just stand there but show you know the meaning of what you are singing. WOW! He gets it!!
So...today I am once again blessed...what God has in store for my Justin is yet to be seen, but it is pretty big, he saved him from death several times before birth, and He saved him from death after birth to one day live with Him, I know that he is going to make such a difference in this world, I can't wait to see it.
Thank you Lord for Justin.
I am truly SO BLESSED!!!!!!
Today I saw a rainbow and it reminded me again of the blessings I have been given.
This week my son, Justin, celebrated his ninth birthday. Oh how time has flown, and oh the memories we have made together. But nine years ago we thought there would be no Justin. We had tried for seven years to concieve another child after having our twins, Austin and Alyssa. Through three miscarriages, a D & C, and many false hopes I was pregnant, God blessed us with getting pregnant with Justin. At six weeks pregnant I started cramping and my doctor decided to do an ultrasound, at that time everything looked okay. But I continued to cramp and bleed. So two weeks later I went in for another check and had another ultrasound. This time the doctor told me that the baby was not growing and that I needed to go in the next morning early and have a D&C because that was the best thing to do.
Well God does speak to His children. And Jon and I at the same time told the doctor that we did not feel this was a miscarriage like before, and that we would like to do blood work to make sure the baby was not growing.
The doctor-not a Christian I learned later-said that he did not go by blood tests but if we would feel better he would go ahead and do one.
So that we did....
We went home, waiting for the results, waiting for the dreaded news of before, but just hanging on to the hope that we had that God would see us through, and if we did not get to keep this pregnancy, well He had a reason. But it was a long, long four hours of waiting.
Four hours later, the phone call, and it was not the nurse, it was the doctor, and I found this odd indeed. But as he began to speak, a peace and calm came over me, and I knew everything was okay. Though that was not confirmed yet, the doctor said the blood test showed that the baby was indeed growing and the numbers were high, and we needed to go right then and have an ultrasound at the hospital on better equipment.
So off we went quickly, and waited our turn. I knew the ultrasound techs due to being an xray tech for so many years at the same hospital. I was explaining the story to them and what the events of our day had held, and she placed the ultrasound probe on my stomach and immediately said: Look, there is your baby's heart beat and it is beating so fast and so healthy. God was in control!!!!!!!
With tears in our eyes of joy, and so much reassurance that He was going to make this work, we left and had to call everyone to let them know we would for sure be adding a new addition to our family in seven more months.
The months passed and we continued our normal visits with a few extra in between and it was time for our sixteen week visit to do the routine blood test to make sure the baby did not have downs or spina bifida or any other chromosomal defect. With my twins the result should have been elevated and abnormal because there were two of them. But it was normal. Which was a false test reading.
A few days passed and we were called with the results, they were abnormal and this put a new set of possibilites on the table now. But we knew He was still in control, and whatever happened was going to be okay. On the way home we saw a rainbow, and that was our sign to us that God was still in control, He still kept His promises and a peace we needed that day.
We found out soon after that we would be having another little boy, and we were so excited. The ultrasound showed he was growing great, had no defects and no chromosomal markers were evident, that was a releif.
The pregnancy went on normally, and time for the wonderful glucose tolerance test came. Drinking the wonderful orange fizzed out soda, it is just something you never forget. Well of course, could the test be normal? NO! I had to go in for my second test, and this time drink more and stay most of the day with no food, and that is not good for a pregnant woman's temper!!! The results for the second test came out abnormal too. So here we went on a new journey.
I began insulin shots and seeeing a specialist for high risk pregnancies. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and it did give me a better view of our baby because we had to go every two weeks to start with and have ultrasounds, and then weekly to make sure he was not getting too big. Insulin was only for a few months, and it was okay, because two more times during my pregnancy when I was discouraged and afriad, God made a rainbow and I knew that was our special sign to know He was there.
The week before he was due we decided to go to Longhorns, I had craved their chicken fingers and chieken wraps the whole pregnancy and I was really wanting it that night too. While at Longhorns, I was having very bad indigestion pain, pains in the front of my stomach which was not normal for labor pains for me, and our waitress who was a good friend said, well that is how my labor was, and that is what made us go to the hospital on the 13th of March.
My contraction came and went for several hours and they kept me overnight. I was told the next morning that I was going to go home, and I guess Justin heard that cause my contractions started again.
Around 2:30 that afternoon we were rolled into the labor OR because I had to have a C-section because of my previous one,, While rolling in Justin did some major flips, and I mentioned that to the doctor when he came in, that he was flipping harder than he ever had in knots it seemed.
Well as if nothing else weird could happen, I had an epidural but it just did not seem that it was working. So I told the nurses that when they put the betadine on my stomach to clean the area for surgery, and she said oh, it is just a cold sensation that is normal. Well, it was not, the doctor began cutting on my lower left side and NO the epidural was not working I felt EVERY bit of it. So needless to say, I had to be put to sleep. It is a good thing though, when they cut into my placenta to break the water and grab Justin, he was blue. When he did all the flipping in my stomach he had gotten the cord wrapped around his neck and Jon said you could hear a pin drop in the room it was so quiet.
Well, obviously, God had big plans for Justin's life because he survived, he had a great apgar once they got the cord off of his neck. And he was very normal, healthy and had great lungs.
My gestational diabetes did go away as soon as he was born. And Justin had Colic the first few months, but oh what a baby he was. And what personality he had from the start. We called him little boy blue, because it seemed all we put him in was blue. And he had the bluest eyes! My dad called him Justin time, and Justin case. And he was and still is our little buddy.
Well here we are nine years later. And they tell you that each child is different and so that for sure is the case. My twins are different as night and day from each other, and Justin is completely different from them.
And that is great. Because He has so many wonderful traits about him, and he is Justin!
God blessed me with a special little boy that is my miracle little boy, and many people judge him because he is outspoken and does not do things their way, but everyone is different, and God made us all. He is so smart, so intelligent, so creative, so handsome, so funny, so loving, so not shy, so in love with Jesus, such a big vocabulary, so caring, so inquisitive, so outgoing, so great! And so GOD'S!
I hate that people judge a child by their standards, and that they forget that God made us all unique in our own ways for a plan that He has for us. And it is not our place to judge at all.
He is my special boy,, and oh how blessed and thankful I am that nine years later, he has turned into a wonderul young man that is not afriad to tell you or anyone about Jesus, he meets no stranger, and he is not ashamed to witness or tell you that Jesus is alive. Often I hear him singing in another room to the top of his lungs, and it is always praise and worship songs.
Just recently he told me that the people in children's church just don't get it, Jesus is real, and we are singing songs about Him, you should show it when you sing, don't just stand there but show you know the meaning of what you are singing. WOW! He gets it!!
So...today I am once again blessed...what God has in store for my Justin is yet to be seen, but it is pretty big, he saved him from death several times before birth, and He saved him from death after birth to one day live with Him, I know that he is going to make such a difference in this world, I can't wait to see it.
Thank you Lord for Justin.
I am truly SO BLESSED!!!!!!
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